HOW DEEP DOES IT GET?
And the she wrote...
From the very beginning you had me replaced, I pretended to have not noticed.
I had to compete with your ex, thought maybe its because I didn't offer sex... so I gave in.
Asked you if you really loved me, cause I didn't want you to make any mistake and you said with all of your heart.
Begged you to look for someone suitable enough for you and stop running after me, but you said i am all you ever wanted,
I asked for reasons and you lined them up, concluded with a promise that you will never leave me... no matter what.
Started flirting, kissing and profile picturing every girl... I thought I am automatically dumped and had a friend willing to support and stand by me when you officially dumped me, but you never did.
The friend stayed with me, assuring his love and patience, his willingness to accept my choice.
He watched me cry for you, tear up your pictures every night I see a new picture of another girl on your Facebook wall
and he walked me to the mall as I went to reprint all of those pictures putting them back on my bedroom wall, my phone profile picture and my frames... my room looked like yours I even forgot to put my own picture, to think about it, not even one.
I realised I couldn't control the love I was having for you, trusted the promises you made to me and believed in us again... I had to dump my faithful friend and tell him I still love you... regardless of all that you did, yes I still loved you and I had to chose the person I loved over the one who loved me.
Prayed for you more than I prayed for myself, accepted your faults and mistakes more than I accepted mine. forgive all your cheating even though you thought I didn't know about them.
Cried all night as I count all the girls you have kissed in the neighbourhood... and I mean my left, right and back opposite neighbourhood.
I rejected the guy I was with, to have you... rejected the ones who wanted to have me for you...
rejected the one who promised to be better than you... for you and I rejected myself, for you.
As I think about my future you were in every page of it, most chapters were titled you and I
your name came up more than mine...
Supported you more than your family could, they rejected me without knowing me and you promised me that would never get between us... I stayed on just because I loved you and I had no reason to hate them anyways.
Lost a lot of money on your empty promises and friends thought you were my imaginary boyfriend, i stayed with the embarrassment...
I don't remember a single night were you called and said good night.... but I remember a thousand times I sent you airtime
a thousand times I called for no good reason and a thousand times I asked you to at least say hello to me everyday.
I have male friends, had male classmates... none of them has had the privilege of being my profile picture... that's all because I respected you but I always had to ask who is that girl on your profile picture.
You could put all of them, for as long as you wish... but the moment you put me, it didn't even last for a week, your uncle was questioning you so you had to take it off.
I lost my phones, in fact my every belonging right after coming to see you, meaning i have lost my whatsapp as well and that very same night, you had someone else as your profile picture cause you thought I wouldn't see it since I don't have whatsapp... I did and you explained, I said lets forget about it, I love you... her name Buang and I preferred not to talk.
Maybe that's where I should have started... when I said I love you, I meant that I did choose to, I didn't predict loving you, I don't know the reasons behind it but I do...
When I said these 3 words, I meant I will forgive you before you apologise, I will support you and I will be your number one fan in everything you do.
when I said I love I meant I would give my all for you, I would die for you, I wouldn't eat if you were hungry I wouldn't live if you died and when I said I loved you I didn't care about what you did, what my friends and family says about you, what people think is best for me... I didn't care about all the girls you've kissed, the flirts you've made and the profile pictures, I didn't care but I love you.
When I said I love you I meant no friend of mine will make you feel like you should compete for your position, I meant I will flirt with you alone, I will write only about you on my wall, I will have only your pictures on my phone and when I said I really do love you, I meant I have prayed to love you forever and I am willing to keep my promise, I meant I will be honest with you and I will believe you.
Today you send me a message and all you could say is that you are leaving me for her... the one you cheated on me with, the one you told me will never come between us again, yes that one.
you told me that you cannot be with me, I should wait until you are done with her, you will come back.
Said you want to love someone else and be loved back by someone else and that someone was not me... told me all the things you never told any girl about me, you told me all the reasons you want to leave me and e with her and all I said was its fine, but I love you.
I begged you I cried and I told you enough reasons not to leave me, I reminded you of your promises and I opened up my heart once again and explained how much I love and cannot live without you... called you a million times, sent you whatsapp messages a million times, thick as paragraphs and you ignored me, blocked me... blamed me for all of it... I said its fine am sorry, but I love you
reminded me of a friend I never got to give a chance, reminded me of the days I threatened to dump you because of the cheating, reminded me of the break I asked for after you cheated and you didn't remind me of the number of times I gave you a chance to start over again whenever you asked.
I never knew how much you loved me, never saw it but whenever I wanted to give you the freedom of walking out of my life you begged me and that was the only time I knew that you might love me, so I made it a habit to threaten to leave you every time you kissed a girl next door or flirted of profile pictured... just so I may hear you say you love me and you don't want to lose me.
Remember when I said I cant live without you? yes I meant that too
Loving you is life itself, it doesn't come as a choice but a blessing... having you dump me like a piece of smelly dirty cloth was the reward for all the love I didn't chose to have for you.
I hope she loves you, I pray she really does, I hope she is worth the pain I went through and I pray that she never breaks your heart like you broke mine..... I pray you give her a reason to live, like you gave me a reason to die.
When I get to heaven, or hell for that matter... I will send angels to cover you when you are cold, comfort you when you are in pain, provide for you when you are in need and I will ask God all the questions you couldn't answer
Why am I so hard to love?
Am I not worthy of your love, or at least a chance?
Wordpotter the narrator
From the very beginning you had me replaced, I pretended to have not noticed.
I had to compete with your ex, thought maybe its because I didn't offer sex... so I gave in.
Asked you if you really loved me, cause I didn't want you to make any mistake and you said with all of your heart.
Begged you to look for someone suitable enough for you and stop running after me, but you said i am all you ever wanted,
I asked for reasons and you lined them up, concluded with a promise that you will never leave me... no matter what.
Started flirting, kissing and profile picturing every girl... I thought I am automatically dumped and had a friend willing to support and stand by me when you officially dumped me, but you never did.
The friend stayed with me, assuring his love and patience, his willingness to accept my choice.
He watched me cry for you, tear up your pictures every night I see a new picture of another girl on your Facebook wall
and he walked me to the mall as I went to reprint all of those pictures putting them back on my bedroom wall, my phone profile picture and my frames... my room looked like yours I even forgot to put my own picture, to think about it, not even one.
I realised I couldn't control the love I was having for you, trusted the promises you made to me and believed in us again... I had to dump my faithful friend and tell him I still love you... regardless of all that you did, yes I still loved you and I had to chose the person I loved over the one who loved me.
Prayed for you more than I prayed for myself, accepted your faults and mistakes more than I accepted mine. forgive all your cheating even though you thought I didn't know about them.
Cried all night as I count all the girls you have kissed in the neighbourhood... and I mean my left, right and back opposite neighbourhood.
I rejected the guy I was with, to have you... rejected the ones who wanted to have me for you...
rejected the one who promised to be better than you... for you and I rejected myself, for you.
As I think about my future you were in every page of it, most chapters were titled you and I
your name came up more than mine...
Supported you more than your family could, they rejected me without knowing me and you promised me that would never get between us... I stayed on just because I loved you and I had no reason to hate them anyways.
Lost a lot of money on your empty promises and friends thought you were my imaginary boyfriend, i stayed with the embarrassment...
I don't remember a single night were you called and said good night.... but I remember a thousand times I sent you airtime
a thousand times I called for no good reason and a thousand times I asked you to at least say hello to me everyday.
I have male friends, had male classmates... none of them has had the privilege of being my profile picture... that's all because I respected you but I always had to ask who is that girl on your profile picture.
You could put all of them, for as long as you wish... but the moment you put me, it didn't even last for a week, your uncle was questioning you so you had to take it off.
I lost my phones, in fact my every belonging right after coming to see you, meaning i have lost my whatsapp as well and that very same night, you had someone else as your profile picture cause you thought I wouldn't see it since I don't have whatsapp... I did and you explained, I said lets forget about it, I love you... her name Buang and I preferred not to talk.
Maybe that's where I should have started... when I said I love you, I meant that I did choose to, I didn't predict loving you, I don't know the reasons behind it but I do...
When I said these 3 words, I meant I will forgive you before you apologise, I will support you and I will be your number one fan in everything you do.
when I said I love I meant I would give my all for you, I would die for you, I wouldn't eat if you were hungry I wouldn't live if you died and when I said I loved you I didn't care about what you did, what my friends and family says about you, what people think is best for me... I didn't care about all the girls you've kissed, the flirts you've made and the profile pictures, I didn't care but I love you.
When I said I love you I meant no friend of mine will make you feel like you should compete for your position, I meant I will flirt with you alone, I will write only about you on my wall, I will have only your pictures on my phone and when I said I really do love you, I meant I have prayed to love you forever and I am willing to keep my promise, I meant I will be honest with you and I will believe you.
Today you send me a message and all you could say is that you are leaving me for her... the one you cheated on me with, the one you told me will never come between us again, yes that one.
you told me that you cannot be with me, I should wait until you are done with her, you will come back.
Said you want to love someone else and be loved back by someone else and that someone was not me... told me all the things you never told any girl about me, you told me all the reasons you want to leave me and e with her and all I said was its fine, but I love you.
I begged you I cried and I told you enough reasons not to leave me, I reminded you of your promises and I opened up my heart once again and explained how much I love and cannot live without you... called you a million times, sent you whatsapp messages a million times, thick as paragraphs and you ignored me, blocked me... blamed me for all of it... I said its fine am sorry, but I love you
reminded me of a friend I never got to give a chance, reminded me of the days I threatened to dump you because of the cheating, reminded me of the break I asked for after you cheated and you didn't remind me of the number of times I gave you a chance to start over again whenever you asked.
I never knew how much you loved me, never saw it but whenever I wanted to give you the freedom of walking out of my life you begged me and that was the only time I knew that you might love me, so I made it a habit to threaten to leave you every time you kissed a girl next door or flirted of profile pictured... just so I may hear you say you love me and you don't want to lose me.
Remember when I said I cant live without you? yes I meant that too
Loving you is life itself, it doesn't come as a choice but a blessing... having you dump me like a piece of smelly dirty cloth was the reward for all the love I didn't chose to have for you.
I hope she loves you, I pray she really does, I hope she is worth the pain I went through and I pray that she never breaks your heart like you broke mine..... I pray you give her a reason to live, like you gave me a reason to die.
When I get to heaven, or hell for that matter... I will send angels to cover you when you are cold, comfort you when you are in pain, provide for you when you are in need and I will ask God all the questions you couldn't answer
Why am I so hard to love?
Am I not worthy of your love, or at least a chance?
Wordpotter the narrator
